Sept 1999- 2001

Sept 1999 Bethany was born!

After Bethany's birth David was gone almost every weekend! Leaving me home alone with 4 kids, no car and NO money. I had to make due with what was here! I didn't work not even my day care, I wasn't allowed!
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June through Aug 2000 he was gone every weekend flying his brother ( so he says) to Fla... Looking back now I should have known his brother didn't make half  of those trips!

DEC 2000 We went to Disney world which would be out last family vacation.

In the 10 yrs we were together we had only gone on maybe 3 family vacations our whole marriage!

 *****

Jan 2001  things started to get worse , all the signs of his infidelity were there! I was just in denial about it!

Some things he did...

 

- he got a hair cut every chance he could... <<< I sensed he was cheating so when he would get a hair cut I could say things like "you don't need one, your going bald anyway!")

- Clothes get flashier <<<< and he told me to shop at the thrift store for me and the kids 

Changes cologne <<< and it smelled horrible 

He started to jog around the neighborhood, right to the corner store to use the pay phone to call her!

 he got his teeth whitened

he would take hour showers 2 sometimes three a day!

At the beginning of an affair, he was actually be more affectionate than usual due to guilt feelings I guess.

Later, after the affair had been going on awhile, he often turn around and blame things on me when I would question his whereabouts He lost interest in domestic activities, such as spending even less time with the kids, fixing up the house, lawn care, etc. saying we didn't respect him or the house anyway! There was a change in his sexuality, he wanted more and even "took" it when he wanted too! Then one day out of the blue he was asking me about threesome as if I would say YES, seems like he already had the thrid party picked out ( he did!) I WOULD say NO I took wedding vows to YOU and only you some of his  sexual requests were not normal!.
 he became more distant, cold, and always found  fault in me telling  his family and firends it was me! He would blame me for his behavior.
Money was missing. although I was not allowed access to the account I had to ask , and when I did he would calim we did not have it! 


his  Grooming habits changed. he bought a new wardrobe and  started to become more attentive to his personal appearance. 
There were many abrupt hang ups when I would answer the phone.  

 

He was on the computer a lot! His misstress was not from the U.S... She was from Paris...

 

 

Well I am not much in the mood to finish this at the moment! My train of thought is gone!!! 

My kids are in the other room playing Rock band and it is loud!!!

I may just post ... tomorrow on D-Day  what I wrote (saved) 6 yrs ago!

Continued from yesterday

Even though I wanted to separate from David pretty much since 1995, I stuck it out and tried to make it work . I took wedding vows and felt I had to live them out "til death do I part!"

After David pretty much shut me out after his grandmother passed and his dad flipped his lid! I tried with all my might to make it work, even  though he wasn't doing his part. It was hard!

He got worse and more controlling after his dad skipped the country! He told me who I could and couldn't see... That was pretty much ALL my friends and my family!!! I wasn't allowed to call my mom "the phone bill!" He wouldn't teach me how to drive even though I wanted to learn and he claims he wanted me to learn, BUT every time I got behind the wheel with him he did what ever he could to scare me from driving! I had to rely on him to take me places and lots of times his answer was  he was either to tried or had to work!

I just grined and bared it and did as I was told, raised our kids alone , even though he was still here with us he didn't help with rasing the kids! I cooked and cleaned and my "wifely" duty.

Well tomorrow marks the 7 yr anniversarry of D-Day (discovery day) When I found out that he was cheating on me...

for 6 months ALL the red flags where there. BUT still stuck it out till the bitter end!

thoughts....

I wanted to separate from David since Brittany was 4 years old (her 5th b-day) .  Here it was, she was about to turn 10, I felt trapped with 4 children, ages 9 to 1 yr old.  I felt it wasn't fair to leave the marriage because Bethany wouldn't grow up living with her father, I was just going through the motions of daily life, hoping it would get better, it never did.  Him cheating really was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I was able to get my life back.   And thank goodness I held out as long as I did, or else I would not of had Bethany. My life is hard, but I am happier than I've been in the last 12 years.

 

98, 99 and 2000

 

Short and some sweet some not so sweet...

I became pregnant with Bethany in 1998...

Gave birth to Bethany in Sept of 1999...

I am pretty sure David's affair started shortly after her birth!!!

Lots of red flags started going up! He started to watch his weight and exercise ( jog around the block) come to find out later he was really going to the corner store to use the payphone to call his mistress!

He got his teeth whitend.

And started to buy me guilt gifts.

We went on a family vacation (Dec 2000) and we had not been on one of those since 1996!

Oh and once what was a joke was no longer funny to him when it was no longer a joke and was true! Guess that saying The truth hurts!" is real!

We use to get hang up calls and I would teasingly say to david "it's your girl friend!"  and Brittany would say ( she was 6 , 7 and 8) "Your daddy's girlfriend mommy!" 

BUT then the hang up calls became a regular thing and when I said "Oh it's your girl friend!"  He got mad and flipped out on me saying "How dare you accuse me of having a girlfriend in front of my childern!"

Shortly after  2001 , mid Jan David was on the computer a lot and every time I came into the room he would close out!

Once when I walked in quietly I wasn't sneaking I am a light walker I saw him on e-bay and asked him what he was doing!

He told me I runied the suprise, that he was looking for a new ring (diamond) for me!  I NEVER got that ring... ( found out a few months later "she" got it! We weren't even separated yet and he was giving her an egagment ring already.

Then he was on Paris sites looking to take a trip. He told me he was going to take me there for our anniversary!!! 

That never happend!...

to be continued...

So like I was saying... (95-2001)

So like I was saying 2 entries ago I really think David's granmother passing away and what his dad did Put a huge strain on our marriage! We grew apart , he talked to me even less then he use too, and started to become distant with me. Not to mention more controlling and emtionaly abusive! He started to tell me who I can see ( friends) and can't! He stopped taking me to see my mom ( my mom does not drive either). He started flying more for his brother... So he says he was flying for his brother, later learn that was yet another one of his many lies!

Started to do even less with the kids!

He changed.

I couldn't stop thinking of the old R after that , what he had told me about my FIL before he became my FIL... I kept thinking "gosh what if I would have asked R more questions?"  "I should of asked David before we got married!" I wanted to talk to R, I wanted to find R and talk to him again, I missed our friendship!!!

Everyone once in a while I would search for him on line, I thought I had found him but nope!

One night I had a dream about him , he was a fire fighter, and in my dream he was helping fight a fire and he had gotten hurts! I woke up scared, it seemed so real! I was so sad! It was weird.....

 

 

This to be continued after Aug 4.... (D-day) (discovery day)...

 

 

Yesterday 19 years ago....

19 yrs ago yesterday I said my "I do's" 7 yrs ago (almost) David said his "I don'ts"

Would of been married 19 yrs ago yesterday!

I think is grandmother dying and is fathers past catching up to him and coming to life again, BUT a BIG strain on our marriage!!!!

I fought to the end to try and fix it! He wanted nothing to do with it!!!

To this day his WHOLE family still denys his father's wronf doings!!!!

OH WELL HIS LOSS!!!!!

I didn't think about the date much yesterday as it does not bother me like it use too!

BUT I had a very bad day yesterday!

VERY stressful!!!

 

So far today is much better!!!!

 

 

 

Aug 1995

Let's see if I can pick up where I left off at....

Lets see David's grandmother had just passed, we were awaiting the birth of our third child...

David;s dad had gone to fla, they had a house down there! He liked to get away a lot without David's mom! RIGHT there should have been some sort of RED flag!!! Like father like son ( GOD I hope my sons aren't like their dad)!!!

Anywho while his dad was away in fla our Son Brent was born Aug 21 1995!!!

Well Sam cam rushing home to see his grandson ( so I thought that was the reason he was rushing home)!

2 weeks later Brittany was having her 5th b-day... I invited the whole family and my friends!

Well things were crazy here kids every where! I was trying to read Brittany her birthday cards and my fil ( pain in the ass) was reading over me, a book to one of Brittany's guest! I shot him a dirty look and read louder! He read louder! He is such a moron!!

One time in so many words he told me to shut up that I should be seen and not heard! 

Well present time was over we all went out back to play! So I thought we ALL went out to play! I came in to get something, and I hear my one nephew at the bottom of the steps calling for "grandpa"! I tell him "grandpa is out side!" he insist grandpa was upset stairs so after a few minutes of trying to tell him I was right and he was wrong ( glad he insisted)... I picked him up and said "Come on, I will show you!" So we went upstairs to "look"  and low and behold , my friends seven yr old came running out of Brian's room almost knocking me down and flew down the stairs like a bat out of hell! then my FIL followed, but yet he pushed past me to get into the bathroom! 

Brian's bedroom was darker then dark! I had mini blinds in his room a draw shade and heavy curtains, so he could sleep. ALL which were closed, so the room was darker then dark!

I went down stairs with josh and told him to go out and play which at that time my best friend was in the living room and her son had darted out the front door! She asked what happened?I said I am not sure, but told her what I had seen! My fil was in the upstairs bathroom for over thirty minutes!

2 weeks after that david was pretty much being followed by uncovered cops and the chief of police was showing up here asking me questions... They followed David all the way to west Chester to his dad's home, but that time his dad was long gone out of the country! the police had followed David there... and When his mother answered the door to the police she said "NOT again!"

The police that showed up here had told me that my fil was a child molester and that this was not his first time. Apparently he had done time for this before in 1976.... Remember I mentioned the OLD R swearing up and down that my fil was a principal at his school yrs ago and I kept saying NO he was confused!!!!!!!!

BOY he was right and I was the one confused! When R told me that in April of 88 (  wrote about that in my April 88 entry)  I never mentioned it to David because I never in a ,million years thought R was right!!!  I so wish I would have asked David! BUT apparently according to my one BIL (bother in law) when his mom had said "NOT again!" all three of them were shocked! My one brother in law ( the only one that would talk to me about this)remembers his dad being gone for a time in 1976 BUT he remembers his mom saying he was away doing missionary work!!!

Any way the police showed up here again asking me where he was... and that he was also wanted in fl for the same thing! So after the police left I looked it up on line and sure enough there is was a copy of his warrant...

 

So much for him wanting to come home and see Brent the date of the warrant was Brent's birthday! Here he messed with another little boy in fl who was 7 at the time!

He had a thing for 7 yr olds!  The little boy in 76 was 7 also!

Looking back some things he had said to me should have been red flags!

When Brian was one I said to David he should spend more time with his son! And my FIL's response was "I didn't spend any time with my boys until they were 7!"  makes me wonder if he didn't mess with David? makes me half wonder if that is half of david;s problem and why he left? He left when Brian turned 7!!!maybe he was afraid he would turn out like his dad and was protecting  his sons?

Sam was gone for 7 yrs... There is a statue of limitations and he thought it was UPlittle did he know NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!  not of he left the country , it was as if time stood still, because when he tried to come back he got busted! Had he stayed in the country and moved around from state to state and never got caught time would have ran out! BUT since he left the county time stopped!

Well he was let go of his position in another country's "Christian school" and was trying to get back in the states through HI and the US marshals busted him... and hauled his ass back to fla!  Sadly though the parents of the boy in fla dropped the charges! I think money talks, MY rich BIL probably paid them off ( not the one who talked to me)... and he was sent back to PA to the judge here for my friends son! Sadly there was not enough evidence and he is Scott free today!!!! He left in 95 and came back in 2003.

BUT that is why I do not like my kids going there!