I forgot an entry..... So I decided to open it one more time!!!!!
Remember the one that I mentioned that I met April 14 1988 and sore he knew David's dad... the same one that walked up to me the night before my wedding and say he would never tell me waht to do, but he knew it would never work... and walked out of my life.... not to be seen or heard from again until 2002.... years later????
forgot that entry...
stay tunned....
Many times, we have to accept certain things, and issues in our life. Accept as is, and let that part be over, and after we have accepted, we can stop worrying about what it is, and begin to take steps in doing something to learn to live with it, in some cases that will even mean to do nothing. We can only make changes with ourselves, and we only have a certain amount of control and ability to put into effect that can help live with whatever it may be.
Life is a long journey of changes, and accepting many things. There are lessons we can learn, and many needed to move us to a new level of self-understanding, and in life itself. Some are hard lessons, some not so hard. The level of mistakes we make has a lot to do with how it can affect our life.
AND ON THAT NOTE I BRING THIS JOURNAL TO A CLOSE
His father has come first and probably always will. Even though we share the same last name, they have never in 18 years we were together made me feel I was part of the family. My last name is just something on my PA ID
He was very controlling. Which I guess is why I stayed so long.
I still remember to this day what she said to me when David left. She called me and told me I should read the Bible book Hosea and I should obey, respect and honor my husband, As if I were the one to cheat! When I said to her "How am I suppose to "respect" David after he broke our wedding vows!" She seemed shock either because I spoke up to her or as if she was shocked to hear her precious son cheated!!!!
That was a horrible first few months when he left...
first 9-11... She went back to pairs and he wanted to come over here nights so as not to be alone! He didn't want to be alone and have nothing to do BUT think about what he did to US!
He was living above his office and his secretary didn't like him to much and had told me he set the upstairs as their little love shack!
She had asked him at one point , "do you really think Sharon will take you back if things don't work out with you and FiFi?" She said to her "I don't see why not!"
Then I said to him "well if someone were to ask me out ,can I go?" I know I didn't need his permission, just was being a "bitch" to see what he would say! His response was "WE will discuss that when the time comes!"
I said "What like we discussed your affair before hand?" He had nothing to say!
Then again maybe we did discuss it when he asked me if I would have a threesome? & I told him I don't share!
OCT (she was back) was horrible.... Brian had a BAD bike accident and we ended up in the ER I spent most of the night trying to get hold of his dad in between cat scans and MRI's and x-rays... Brian had a 2nd degree concussion ,a hair line fracture in his cheek bone his face looked like hamburger meet, thought his hand was broken. When I finally got hold of him he was out of breath... he claims he was sleeping! I told him I know his sleeping breathing from "something" else! Then I said "she's back isn't she? he said YES! I said well while you were romping in bed I spent the night in the ER with your son, and instead of asking was he ok, he asked "which one?" Jerk! Like it matters!
he never came by the next day to check on Brian!
a few days after that we were at the dentist for a check up on his teeth. And my friends son fell off the slide at my house and broke his arm in three places! So we had to rush home from that appointment to get her son!
5 days after that Bethany ( just turned 2) swallowed a penny and was choking, my neighbor 2 doors down just moved in that night and he helped save her life, he told me to call the 911 to play safe! The ambulance came to get us, and as we were pulling put David called here and Brittany, just turned 10 at the time answered the phone and he asked for me, she told him I was not here and what had happened and that I was on the way hospital with Bethany! He asked Brittany which one, she said she didn't know but it was the one we ALWAYS use!
he claims he called every hospital in the county but Bethany was not at any of them! YEAH right give me a break!!!!
And if he paid attention to what she had told him he would have know which hospital it was, all 4 kids were born there!
2 days later he finally shows up and I am showing him pictures of the penny that was still stuck in Bethany's throat and it had to be taken out. and Brian's face... He calls his brother and says "Yeah it was worse then I thought it was!"
Like I make this shit up!
Then he says to me "funny how the kids always get hurt when she is in town!"
Ass hole was trying to say I hurt my kids!!!!
If it was not for my secret Santa that year I would not of had anything for the kids he didn't even help me with that!
my dinning room was over flowing with gifts when my ex asked where I got the money for that I told him I sold my rings... He told me I probably got ripped off! I said does it look like I got ripped off?
Then I told him I didn't sell my rings he told me I was mean for saying I did "LIKE cheating on me wasn't mean?"
I did try and sell my rings the following spring and I did get ripped off... by HIM!!!!! the rings were worthless!
Sharon
In Jan he went to the Dr's and asked to be put on viagra! He was still in his 30's and needed this! Guess he needed it to keep up with 2 women OR show off what he really didn't have to the New women!!!
So david went to Paris that March without me even though I begged him not too! he said he had to!
I told him right before he left "If you are going for another women Don't come back!" You might have thought I smacked him across the face or something, the way he backed up from me! I also told him not to eat the meat or drink the water! (sarcasm)
So he went... The whole time he was there he only called 2 times ,I knew there was another women, so I would say "I love you!" he would say things like "yeah!" I would say "NO I love you!" I kept it up until he said it back!
So he comes home and things are worse.
he came home sick and tried to blame it on me! I said to him "well I told you not to eat the meat over there or drink the water!" He told me I poisoned him! I said "from all the way over here? he said I did it slowly over time and I looked a poison up on line!!! he is to much!!! I told him ONLY if I would have thought of that!!
He loved to shift the blame! he started to accuses me having cheating! yeah right I wish! BUT I had 4 kids with me 24/7 no car where when and how was I finding the time to cheat?
So as the months went by he was mean and nasty, even though I never looked at the phone bill and hardly ever called my mom he was yelling at me that the phone bill was to high, he would rip it up after he paid the bill so I could not see it! Turns out later after he left I got one and it was over 400.00 all calls to Paris!!!
In June 0f 01 he went to NY and no one heard from him in days, Not even his brother and not even the airport his plane was suppose to be at! His brother called here and I told him "I think he is cheating!" His brother sounded shock BUT I am not so sure it was shock at him not knowing or shock as in I figured it out!!!
He came back 2 days after he was suppose to be home and went off on me for calling his mom! EXCUSS me for wanting to find my husband the father of my kids!!!
July of 01 he took me to Vegas ( so much for Paris ) for my B-day , Ann combo... and supposedly I was suppose to find out there that he was cheating on me! Looking back I knowexactly when and where he was going to tell me, BUT he stopped himself!
Coming home from the Philly airport was a nightmare! 2 hour drive home dead silence! Came home to his mother who had watched the kids for us in the living room with a brand new vacuum cleaner... Guilt gift IMO. Cover for her son's sorry cheating ass!!!!
A few days after that was our 11th anniversary. he took me out to dinner but it was not very nice not well thought out and he rushed through it gave me a card that read "past tense" We Had , type of thing.... He brought me home dropped me off at the door and took off to be with her!
I made a comment at dinner "at least you aren't telling me on our anniversary like G did to D! " he laughed!
Wasn't so funny 6 days later....
David started to spend a lot of time on line and was sneaking on and off and would click out of things if I came inot the room!
One time I came in and caught him , he was on web sites of Paris France I asked him what he was doing, he said I ruined the suprise that he was looking to take me there for our 11th anniversarry! BUT he would have to go alone first to check it out before he took me! "Make sure it is something I would like!" I said "well isn't it something we both should experince for the first time togheter? his answer was NO...
Me being me said OK and let him go!....
Sept 1999 Bethany was born!
After Bethany's birth David was gone almost every weekend! Leaving me home alone with 4 kids, no car and NO money. I had to make due with what was here! I didn't work not even my day care, I wasn't allowed!
***
June through Aug 2000 he was gone every weekend flying his brother ( so he says) to Fla... Looking back now I should have known his brother didn't make half of those trips!
DEC 2000 We went to Disney world which would be out last family vacation.
In the 10 yrs we were together we had only gone on maybe 3 family vacations our whole marriage!
*****
Jan 2001 things started to get worse , all the signs of his infidelity were there! I was just in denial about it!
Some things he did...
- he got a hair cut every chance he could... <<< I sensed he was cheating so when he would get a hair cut I could say things like "you don't need one, your going bald anyway!")
- Clothes get flashier <<<< and he told me to shop at the thrift store for me and the kids
Changes cologne <<< and it smelled horrible
He started to jog around the neighborhood, right to the corner store to use the pay phone to call her!
he got his teeth whitened
he would take hour showers 2 sometimes three a day!
At the beginning of an affair, he was actually be more affectionate than usual due to guilt feelings I guess.
Later, after the affair had been going on awhile, he often turn around and blame things on me when I would question his whereabouts He lost interest in domestic activities, such as spending even less time with the kids, fixing up the house, lawn care, etc. saying we didn't respect him or the house anyway! There was a change in his sexuality, he wanted more and even "took" it when he wanted too! Then one day out of the blue he was asking me about threesome as if I would say YES, seems like he already had the thrid party picked out ( he did!) I WOULD say NO I took wedding vows to YOU and only you some of his sexual requests were not normal!.
he became more distant, cold, and always found fault in me telling his family and firends it was me! He would blame me for his behavior.
Money was missing. although I was not allowed access to the account I had to ask , and when I did he would calim we did not have it!
his Grooming habits changed. he bought a new wardrobe and started to become more attentive to his personal appearance.
There were many abrupt hang ups when I would answer the phone.
He was on the computer a lot! His misstress was not from the U.S... She was from Paris...
Well I am not much in the mood to finish this at the moment! My train of thought is gone!!!
My kids are in the other room playing Rock band and it is loud!!!
I may just post ... tomorrow on D-Day what I wrote (saved) 6 yrs ago!
Even though I wanted to separate from David pretty much since 1995, I stuck it out and tried to make it work . I took wedding vows and felt I had to live them out "til death do I part!"
After David pretty much shut me out after his grandmother passed and his dad flipped his lid! I tried with all my might to make it work, even though he wasn't doing his part. It was hard!
He got worse and more controlling after his dad skipped the country! He told me who I could and couldn't see... That was pretty much ALL my friends and my family!!! I wasn't allowed to call my mom "the phone bill!" He wouldn't teach me how to drive even though I wanted to learn and he claims he wanted me to learn, BUT every time I got behind the wheel with him he did what ever he could to scare me from driving! I had to rely on him to take me places and lots of times his answer was he was either to tried or had to work!
I just grined and bared it and did as I was told, raised our kids alone , even though he was still here with us he didn't help with rasing the kids! I cooked and cleaned and my "wifely" duty.
Well tomorrow marks the 7 yr anniversarry of D-Day (discovery day) When I found out that he was cheating on me...
for 6 months ALL the red flags where there. BUT still stuck it out till the bitter end!
Short and some sweet some not so sweet...
I became pregnant with Bethany in 1998...
Gave birth to Bethany in Sept of 1999...
I am pretty sure David's affair started shortly after her birth!!!
Lots of red flags started going up! He started to watch his weight and exercise ( jog around the block) come to find out later he was really going to the corner store to use the payphone to call his mistress!
He got his teeth whitend.
And started to buy me guilt gifts.
We went on a family vacation (Dec 2000) and we had not been on one of those since 1996!
Oh and once what was a joke was no longer funny to him when it was no longer a joke and was true! Guess that saying The truth hurts!" is real!
We use to get hang up calls and I would teasingly say to david "it's your girl friend!" and Brittany would say ( she was 6 , 7 and 8) "Your daddy's girlfriend mommy!"
BUT then the hang up calls became a regular thing and when I said "Oh it's your girl friend!" He got mad and flipped out on me saying "How dare you accuse me of having a girlfriend in front of my childern!"
Shortly after 2001 , mid Jan David was on the computer a lot and every time I came into the room he would close out!
Once when I walked in quietly I wasn't sneaking I am a light walker I saw him on e-bay and asked him what he was doing!
He told me I runied the suprise, that he was looking for a new ring (diamond) for me! I NEVER got that ring... ( found out a few months later "she" got it! We weren't even separated yet and he was giving her an egagment ring already.
Then he was on Paris sites looking to take a trip. He told me he was going to take me there for our anniversary!!!
That never happend!...
to be continued...
